Finally I nod, unable to speak, so he just reaches down and pats me. Eni, a boy just twelve hours ago, is now very adult the way he stares at me. I hate that he is here, but at the same time find comfort in it, a piece of my real life. That I couldn’t spare him weighs on me though. Protected with little responsibility in his normal life, he will now have to grow up suddenly. There have been times when I’ve wanted him to handle more, be the adult I was at his age. But this is not the way I wanted it to happen.
18 hours in, I was still in disbelief. Not that it was happening to us, as if we should be immune to these things, but that it was happening at all. Nothing made sense. Why was the U.S. doing this to me and by extension, my family? So many mental constructs I’d been building for 35 years dissolved with one knock. The system that I had been idolizing for the better part of my life was under question. That my son and I were lying in a cell was unfair and stupid. Could it be that the U.S. was using us as an example? Were they seeking to quiet the public’s frustrated rumblings of inaction against illegal immigrants by saying, “See, we are doing our job protecting America!” How else to explain what had just happened? It didn’t make any sense.
I’ve tried for years to seek US residency and citizenship for me and my family, ever since I was invited here to study under the Hubert H. Humphrey (Fulbright) fellowship. We’ve hired lawyers, spent tens of thousands of dollars for the permission to stay here, working, contributing to society, and, yes, trying to live that American dream I’d had in my head since my early years in Bulgaria. Why would they lock me up? I am an academician, business owner, taxpayer. And why would they lock up my son? He came to the U.S. at the age of two, knows no other home, and all the decisions that had been made on his behalf had been made by me. Why lock him up? This is beyond unfair. This is heartless.
The tears did not stop that first night but I would soon learn there were others in Delaney who were worse off than me. And yet, many found it in themselves to listen to my story, to help me adjust to life in detention and even gave me some of the basic necessities for the first few weeks. Their kindness and wisdom showed me humanity in an inhumane situation. This was a good realization for me.